Feb 15, Lasting love is hard to come by - how do successful couples make their percent of those marriages are predicted to end in divorce. 15 Keys to successful marriage - We asked happy couples to divulge the secrets of a happy marriage It does not matter what a couple does on their date night. Mar 20, Turns out divorce isn't as much about increased negative things as it is about In stable marriages, there are at least five times more positive interactions If you ranked your level of happiness as a on a scale of 1 to 10, greater increase in marital satisfaction than the “pleasant” date night group.
- 2. Be a good listener
- 3. Agree to disagree
- Quick to Forgive
Ten keys to successful dating and marriage relationships infidelity -
Too often, men do not realize that all their partner needs from them is a listening ear. This is due to their programming and the way in which they are taught to relate to others.
Remember that listening and hearing are not the same things. Listening involves our hearts. Open yours, hear what she says, look at her while she speaks, paraphrase even, and reassure. Listening is the real key to a happy marriage, for that matter, to every relationship 3. Agree to disagree Being good together does not mean that couples agree on every little thing.
Most of the couples we interviewed actually had varying attitudes, opinions, and belief systems; and even held opposing views on major areas in some cases. All couples should have some level of disagreement somewhere.
Successful, loving couples respected the point of view of one another and even had a sense of humor over their points of contention. This was developed of the concept in psychology that each individual has his or her own unique way in which they communicate love. Observe the physical way in which your partner shows love. This could be, washing your car, or picking up the kids. From her, it could be keeping the toiletries stocked and ironing his shirts. For others, its words, letters, and affection.
Understanding love language is the secret to a happy relationship. Acceptance A major relationship killer, lack of acceptance is a trait more commonly attributed to women, who are known for their nagging. Remember, we married our spouse for who he was then, and who he is now. When urging or persuading him, you are only focusing on his weaknesses or problems. Change your perspective immediately and start focusing on positive traits instead.
Take responsibility It is that easy and one of the secrets of a successful marriage. It must have happened before, and then two people can grow and progress together. Brethren and sisters, I know of nothing worthwhile in life that comes easy.
However, nothing in life is as valuable as a strong marriage and a secure family. I am speaking to all who want their future marriages to succeed. My comments are not for anyone looking for simple ideas or anyone who would be satisfied merely to tolerate an uncomfortable arrangement.
Every strong marriage is severely tested. Husbands and wives who encounter and surmount suffering, pain, misunderstanding, and temptation can enjoy marriages that are beautiful and eternal. There is a principle that needs to be understood, and let me take just a moment to explain it to you.
Many marriage experts who write articles are failures in their own marriages or have never married. Unfortunately, many of the books on how to have a successful marriage are less than helpful to Latter-day Saints. Our marriages and families are built upon heavenly concepts and principles, not upon worldly ideas or solutions.
I pray that I may be in the Spirit this evening as I communicate with you about marriage. Belief in Eternal Marriage First of all, consider the concepts that we have that the world does not understand. One is the principle of eternal marriage itself, where we are able to look beyond the problems of today and this evening and tomorrow into a life beyond death, where as a family we will dwell forever together.
Relationships are to be never ending, but the world does not comprehend this great truth. Spirituality Second, the world does not understand spirituality or the fact that we can receive personal revelations that will assist us in any of the challenges that will come our way.
We must bring, brothers and sisters, the Savior and his teachings into our homes and hearts, and when we do, he will guide us. To really succeed, your eternal marriage must be Christ centered. Let me tell you an experience I had several years ago. I was sitting in my office. I heard a commotion out in the reception area. My secretary picked up the telephone and buzzed me. Her face was tearstained. I was given the priesthood last June.
I took the triple combination and turned quickly to section of the Doctrine and Covenants. That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness. That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.
At that time, that good sister smiled briefly. About this time, their hands joined as I read the next several verses: Which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile. Jumping to the 45th verse: Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.
Well, he was listening now. And we talked for the next few minutes about the importance of meekness and patience and love unfeigned. As they left, they walked out arm in arm, apparently after having learned a great lesson in life. The gospel of Jesus Christ and the priesthood that so many of us in this room bear can only be maintained and handled upon the principles of righteousness.
Just as a building must have a strong foundation, a family needs the sure foundation of the Savior and his teachings. We are a spiritual people, believing in spiritual principles: Obviously this means to live righteous lives, to pray often, and to be kind one to another. Communication Third, do not feel that an intense disagreement in your dating procedure or eventually in your marriage indicates that it cannot succeed.
If we are to really communicate, we must be honest when we disagree. We must express hurts and let our feelings show. We can do this without becoming angry or inconsiderate. People who keep things bottled up inside are candidates for a variety of illnesses, but even more serious, that approach does not solve problems. A serious disagreement between partners does not mean the two are becoming allergic to one another or that the situation is hopeless. It merely means that they are human and not yet perfect individuals.
If we can just acknowledge our differences in mature ways, then we will realize that our dating procedure is okay or our marriages eventually will be all right.
Often what happens is that we have simply failed to communicate. And differences can be worked out without jeopardizing a relationship. As we communicate, brothers and sisters—may I say this quickly—let us first communicate about feelings, those throbbings from within, and then we can be concerned with the historical aspects of communication, where we have been and what we have seen.
But let us communicate our feelings first. Kindness Fourth, never make your date or mate the object of jokes, either in private or in public. Partners who poke fun at one another may think of it as good-natured humor. It is degrading and dangerous. To make a joke about private things a husband or wife or a boyfriend or girlfriend does is a form of ridicule and a way of putting him or her down.
Too often the laughter conceals a spirit of malice or anger that causes hurt feelings and fractures in that delicate substance we define as spirit. Couples who respect each other do not resort to such procedures.
Trust Fifth, both during the dating period and after marriage, do not smother one another with excessive restrictions. Remember a kind and loving Father—and I guess it was a hundred years ago today that we were sitting around talking about that council in heaven and all those things that had happened thousands of years before, and we were getting ready to come here. As we looked to Father, we could see the trust in his eyes. And we knew that we would be operational here upon the earth in a great environment of freedom.
Then why do we sometimes try to take that freedom away from those we love so much? Seeking feedback from your spouse about how you are doing and how you could improve might be just what you need to be a better spouse and parent. Remember that insisting on being right is not as important as being united and having the Spirit. Anger is a great destroyer of marriages and families. If you become angry when something upsets you, your family members may be hesitant to share their deepest thoughts and feelings with you.
Mothers generally make sure children get to school and other events, fix food, nurse everyone, and serve as the family psychologist—in many cases, for most of the day. Working spouses often come home tired and drained. This can make emotions extra raw. Both spouses will benefit from seeking to make homecoming a positive experience for each other and the children. That may mean leaving frustrations at the door on the way into the home, or it might mean adjusting daily routines from time to time to accommodate one or both spouses.
The key is to seek to support each other through good times as well as those difficult moments. In addition, here are a few more specific things all couples can do that, through consistent effort, will bring happiness into the home and invite the Spirit into your lives: Kneel together in prayer morning and night to call down the powers of heaven to bless your marriage. Study the scriptures individually and as a family.
Attend the temple together regularly. Hinckley, who shared this important key to a great marriage: If we will sue for peace, taking the initiative in settling differences—if we forgive and forget with all our hearts … if we forgive all real or fancied offenses before we ask forgiveness for our own sins—if we pay our own debts, large or small, before we press our debtors—if we manage to clear our own eyes of the blinding beams before we magnify the motes in the eyes of others—what a glorious world this would be!
8 Essentials for a Successful Marriage :
Let me work it out by myself. You might exchange childcare with other couples for different date nights. Coontz thinks all this togetherness is not necessarily good for couples. He gets too big for his britches.
Ten Keys to Successful Dating and Marriage Relationships